why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
