Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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