How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I bet he comes in French.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
