just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Your cock deserves a montage
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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