she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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