Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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