hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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