I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
