So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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