your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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