when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
