I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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