Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
