i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
