And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
