He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
