The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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