I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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