i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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