I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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