You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
