I must be too annoying 4 u.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
