she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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