what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
