Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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