Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize