Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
