I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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