New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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