I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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