Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
