Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
