she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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