I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
