I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
