I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize