Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
