I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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