I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
