Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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