I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
