How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
