so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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