Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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