next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
