no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
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There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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