I showed him my bush... on skype.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
