I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
