No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
