This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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