Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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