If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
