Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
