Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
