So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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