dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
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Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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