my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
