I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
