woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
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As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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