This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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