you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
