there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
