Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
