I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
