That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
