at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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